If you’re like the CEOs and executives I coach, you are probably exhausted. The relentless daily headlines—economic volatility, rapid advancements in AI, shifting regulations—can be stress-inducing, creating a persistent sense of pressure.
One of my clients, the CEO of a private equity-backed company, recently shared with me his escalating stress. Margin pressures, sleepless nights, and the constant demands from his team and board have left him craving solitude just to think clearly. Instead, he finds himself behaving in ways he dislikes: abruptly cutting people off, cancelling standing meetings, and micromanaging areas he knows he should delegate.
Here’s the thing: this CEO genuinely cares about his organization and its people. He is, by all accounts, a good leader. Yet, like all of us under stress, he occasionally defaults to behaviors that unintentionally demotivate his team.
Gallup research consistently shows that 70% of employee engagement hinges on the actions and attitudes of managers. When leaders inadvertently demotivate their teams, both morale and performance suffer.
Below are five common ways leaders unintentionally undermine their teams’ motivation. As you read through these, reflect honestly: “Which of these might apply to me?”
“It has been a long haul, but my hard work paid off.” (not our hard work)
Translation: I do not value your contribution.
Impact: It is impossible to trust a leader who is more focused on their own career than on their team’s work.
“I don’t have time to explain why we changed directions or why we are not investing in that project.”
Translation: Your opinion and effort don’t matter.
Impact: When a team member’s work is dismissed without explanation, they feel unappreciated and their efforts seem wasted.
“Not bad. It could have gone better, but with the limited time, you were fine.”
Translation: I am not giving you specific feedback even though I do have an opinion about your performance.
Impact: Without clear, actionable feedback, team members struggle to measure their effectiveness or how to improve.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing and opportunities will come up.”
Translation: Focus on your core work and, if there is any time left over, you can pursue learning.
Impact: Employees who feel stagnant or see no career growth opportunities disengage or leave to find opportunities where they can develop and progress.
“Mike is completely disengaged. The quality of Marissa’s work keeps slipping and Ezra never has an opinion.”
Translation: If I talk about other people behind their back, you can be sure I’m saying things about you too.
Impact: When leaders gossip or talk negatively about team members, it erodes trust and creates a guarded environment.
“I’m so stressed, angry, and overwhelmed that I haven’t slept in a week.”
Translation: I am emotionally unstable, and you cannot trust me to lead this team.
Impact: Leaders who struggle to manage their emotions create unnecessary stress and normalize unhealthy behaviors within their teams.
Experiment
1. Choose One Behavior: From the list in the article (e.g., “I don’t have time to explain”), choose one behavior you demonstrate when under stress or pressure.
2. Reflect on the Impact:
Ask yourself:
–How does this behavior affect my team’s trust and motivation?
–Does it leave them feeling valued—or confused and disengaged?
–Has it ever led to a negative outcome or tension in a project?
3. Try Something New:
For one week, consciously interrupt the pattern:
–Pause: Before falling into the habit, ask: “Is this who I want to be as a leader?”
–Shift: Replace it with a better response. (e.g., Instead of “I don’t have time,” try: “Let’s take 2 minutes to clarify.”)
4. Evaluate the Outcome:
At week’s end, reflect:
–Did your team respond differently?
–Did it feel better, more aligned with your values?
–Did it reduce stress or strengthen relationships?
Starla Sireno is recognized as one of the top executive coaches in NYC. Starla is in the business of transforming executives into better leaders and better humans. Inquire how to work with Starla or her team.